Friday, October 11, 2013

Page 273 -- XXXI.

Chapter Thirty-One: ‘The dance of shade and darkness...’
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Hector had to destroy his metal. It only weighed him down, and Geoffrey was already faster, able to ride the red shadow like a wave through the corridors while carrying Jenny at his side.

They reached the school’s front entrance, and Geoffrey did not hesitate to rush through the sliding doors to meet the police force there.

Still inside, Hector could see the officers scrambling for their firearms at the sight of Geoffrey’s red mass. Their bullets would do nothing, of course. He had to protect them.

Hector slapped the tiled floor with his hand, and an iron wall shot up in front of Geoffrey, curving over his head like an immobile tidal wave. Cut off from the policemen, Geoffrey tried to circumvent the wall, but Hector kept adding to it until the metal met the school’s pale brick. And abruptly, there was nowhere for the aberration left to go, except through Hector.

Geoffrey returned to the entryway, Jenny at the shadow’s heels.

Hector reforged his sword and shield.

“Always trying to spoil other people’s fun,” said Geoffrey. “I thought I raised you better than that.” Metal promptly clapped around his face, which the shade immediately burst through; but when Geoffrey could see again, Hector was nearly on top of him. The sword barreled toward Geoffrey’s chest. He dodged but not completely.

Hector’s blade caught the side of Geoffrey’s ribcage, taking flesh with it. The reds mixed, blood and shadow confused.

Geoffrey slinked back and sicced Jenny on him, but Hector encased her in iron before she even took three steps. The red shadow lunged again, breaking upon Hector’s shield before being slashed apart by the sword.

“This is not very fun,” Geoffrey complained. “I don’t think you are being very--” He had to stop and flee when he saw that Hector was not going to wait for him to finish talking.

16 comments:

  1. 1. "Cut off [from] the policemen"
    2. "which the shade immediately burst through[;?] but
    3. "Hector's blade caught the side of Geoffrey['s] ribcage"

    For #2, I'm not sure if that should be a semi-colon. Those are usually reserved for joining two complete thoughts into one sentence which does not seem to be the case here. #1 and #3 should be self explanatory.

    And on a final note, sorry for not commenting more lately, but stuff has picked up and my following of the story has slowed down somewhat.
    RD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aha. Thank you for the catches.

      As for #2, the use of the semi-colon is optional, but it IS correctly used. Perhaps the adverbs give the illusion otherwise, but the two sentences that the semi-colon joins are both complete.

      And there's nothing to apologize for. TZK will be here whenever you return. And the longer you stay away, the more there will be to read when you get back.

      Delete
  2. sicced Jenny on him
    Did you mean ' sicked Jenny on him'?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope. Sicced is correct.

      If you're interested in the gory details, then this one is actually a point of contention. Traditionally, sick (and therefore, sicked) is not a verb. To use it as such is improper, stemming from confusion with the desired word, sic. However, you could also put forth the case that it sick SHOULD be used this way, as it is more intuitive for most people. Sick already has many other definitions, of course, but there are many such words in the English language and no one seems to have a problem with them.

      Personally, though, I still prefer sic. Sick just seems less appropriate of a word for the action involved, as if invoking confusing imagery wherein the thing doing the sicking is vomiting upon the target. Or some shit like that.

      Appreciate the check, though.

      Delete
  3. Why is everyone so judgy? It's an awesome story. I'm not going to be a grammar natzi.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, no, no. They're not being judgy. I asked for typo catches in the About the Story page. I certainly welcome any and all fixes, or even just questions about grammar.

      Typos bother me because they break the immersion. When you have to stop and fumble over my mistakes in order to understand what the text is saying, then even it's only for a moment, you're still taken out of the story, and thus, enjoying it a little bit less.

      Delete
    2. It also helps for new readers so they dont get pissed off about every little misspelling in the story

      Delete
  4. I love how hector's just had enough of his shit~

    ReplyDelete
  5. HOORAY
    TOMORROW IS A GOOD DAY
    FOR IT IS MY BIRTHDAY
    AND POKEMON X AND Y COME OUT
    SO
    THE NEXT PAGE BETTER BE GOOD TO TOP MY LIST

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'LL MAKE IT EXTRA TERRIBLE, JUST FOR YOU.

      Delete
  6. Oh, on the contrary, this is very fun. If Hector was enhanced, Geoffrey would be in pieces already. His metal is becoming deliciously dramatic and fantasy epic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. We've all waited for Hector's powers to mature so he could in ways just like in this page and the last. And cutting off Geoffrey before he could speak is so satisfying. This is feeling cathartic after everything that's happened in the past few pages

    ReplyDelete
  8. Damn it Hector, you got it bad... And I'm sorry for your friends...
    Damn it Hector!!! You're a reall badass!!!


    Damn you Frost!!! You got me adicted!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. This story just keeps on getting more and more interesting, good job Frost i'm addicted to it.

    ReplyDelete