Friday, October 25, 2013

Page 322

--donation bonus (day #17, post 4/5)--
Aiming was also a bit awkward for him. The path of destruction sprung from Colt’s hands, but just putting an open palm forward was too clumsy and inaccurate, he felt. He tried putting two fingers forward like a childish pistol, but that wasn’t doing it for him, either. In the end, he just used an unloaded gun and adjusted for the slightly off-center firing point for its invisible “bullets.” He found it much more comfortable.

After a while, though, he stopped. He did find the power interesting, but at least for now, a regular gun was still much more useful. The only upside he could see to this was that it didn’t require ammo. He supposed another plus might be that it didn’t have the potential to jam like a normal gun did, but Colt always made sure to take proper care of his firearms and stayed away from models that were prone to operating problems, anyway.

He bathed the kids in a wash basin one at a time, gave them fresh diapers, and then fed them.

I’m curious,’ said Bohwanox. ‘What do you intend to do with them when they are older?

For a time, Colt didn’t answer. That was a question he had been dreading. “I’m not sure,” he eventually said.

Have you not given it much thought?

“No, I have. I just. Haven’t come up with a good answer.”

Hmm. If you intend to stay on the run indefinitely, what kind of life could you provide for them?

Colt only stared at them.

I’m guessing you don’t see a foster home as a viable option.’

“They aren’t going to grow up in a place like that. Not as long as I’m still breathing.”

What’s wrong with foster homes?

Colt eyed the reaper. “Go haunt one for a few years and then ask me that question again.”

Is that personal experience I’m hearing or just the jaded view of an ex-cop?

His mouth twisted distastefully. “Both.”

11 comments:

  1. Snowtail the KhajiitOctober 25, 2013 at 3:06 PM

    "one a ta time" - I think it should be 'at'. X3

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  2. Haha, thank you. Fixed now.

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  3. Haha, I knew Colt's destruction path would end up being gun-related in some way.

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  4. Snowtail the KhajiitOctober 27, 2013 at 7:14 AM

    Men and their guns. XD

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  5. Yeah. And it's only natural for him to conceptualize the power in a way that coincides with his existing skills, eh?

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  6. I hate feeling like I'm only commenting to point out possible errors (I do quite enjoy the story, or I wouldn't be reading it!), but...


    Weren't the children established as being ~13 months old? I don't know how much experience you have with babies and toddlers, but the details you give of these two seem (to me) to reflect infants, rather than young toddlers. One-year-olds do not need to be burped; that's for newborns, up to a few months old. I suppose bathing a one-year-old in a sink is theoretically possible, but I've never met one that would hold still for it. (A sink is what I think of when you say "wash basin," but it is of course possible that you mean something a little different.) And at thirteen months, they should be either walking, or crawling all over the place and cruising on two feet while holding on to furniture or something. They're also likely to be saying a few words; if they're not at least babbling -- more or less constantly -- there's a problem.


    In short, twin one-year-olds should be all over the place, driving both Hector and Colt (if not the reapers) a little crazy as they get into all kinds of things they shouldn't.



    Again, I don't want to come across as nitpicking, but child development is a longtime interest of mine, and unless you mean for these two to be developmentally delayed, this doesn't ring true. It instead reads like an author who either doesn't know what to expect of children of that particular age, or doesn't want the other characters to have to deal with the realities of caring for toddlers. (Let me emphasize, because I am rather sleepy and fear I'll sound much harsher than I mean to be, that I respect what you are doing with this story. This is a problem I run into frequently with fiction involving children, if it is not written by a parent or edited by a professional, and it pulls me out of the narrative every time.)

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  7. Hmm. Not sure how to answer this while completely avoiding spoilers, so. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.



    The development of the children is an interesting point, one that I haven't put much focus on. Yet. I'm sure you've noticed that their upbringing thus far has been far from normal. This will become quite important in the next story arc, so you can expect more details then.



    I will, however, admit to flubbing it with the burping. Thank you for the correction there.

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  8. For the record, all you ever have to tell me is that you're doing a thing on purpose. I trust you as a writer. I wouldn't have even spoken up (because I assume you do almost anything on purpose, and that's been borne out many times as I read your story) except that it is, as I said, a trap I've seen too many works fall into. I look forward to seeing how this relates to the plot and the rest of the story, whenever you get there.

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  9. The warm and fuzzies. I feel them.

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  10. Feel more. I was thinking the same thing Pork was, but I figured you were doing it for a reason. Either that, or their development was obviously affected because of all that's happened to them

    Side Note: My family tells me that I learned to walk and talk completely before I turned one year old. *full of himself*

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  11. Ah. So there's extra reason, on top of being their father, for Colt to wanna take care of them personally

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