Sunday, August 4, 2013

Page 168

Hector moved first, a frontal assault. Desmond dodged the punch and delivered his own to the gut, knocking Hector back a few steps.

Hector kept pressing. He coated both hands in iron and swung. Desmond caught the left hand and ripped it off at the wrist. He slammed Hector into the concrete, making a small crater.

Abruptly, Lynnette was there. But Desmond saw her and smacked the flat side of the blade before it could connect with his neck. Off balance, she struggled to maintain her grip, and this time, Desmond succeeded in sweeping her legs out from under her. She landed on her back, and Desmond left a severed hand in front of her face. For an instant, Lynnette and Hector could both see it darkening.

She didn’t have time to crawl away. She was going to die. Hector knew it. Someone else was about to die in front of him.

The memory of Garovel’s words flashed in his head.

Respond by becoming better.

Hector flexed his one hand. He focused on Lynnette, desperately demanding more from himself, more iron, more concentration, more everything; and for a moment, all the pain in his body wasn’t numb anymore. Agony hit like a tidal wave. But the iron responded.

Powder materialized on her body, gray spots clustering together, and within seconds, the woman was entirely covered.

Desmond’s hand exploded. Lynnette went flying and clattered to the concrete walkway. Hector hit the central fountain, reddening the waters with his blood.

His body in shreds again, he heaved himself out of the pool and clung to the side of the fountain. He saw Lynnette and released the metal. She did not stir.

Desmond and Helen were clashing now. With both arms again and only one hand missing, he was getting the better of her. He smashed her skull open against the ground. Her body went limp.

Desmond turned to Mehlsanz and Garovel.


  1. I've been meaning to leave a post, but I decided to wait until I finally caught up on everything (all of those bonus chapters you uploaded made me wonder if I might ever succeed).

    I have to say that I do like your upload style with a few small pieces uploaded frequently rather than a huge chunk sometimes. Seeing that you upload twice a day, I can't help but wonder how long it actually takes you to make one of these posts.

    One criticism I have to make is that your world seems a bit under-explained for this point of the story. I am unsure where Hector is from (or even what type of government his country has since it seems like that might play a role in the story). It might be clarified later, but it is a bit confusing at the moment.

    Other than that, I'll try to keep up with future updates and point out any errors I find.


    1. For one post, I'm currently spending 1-2 hours writing and editing. I'm brainstorming more or less nonstop. That last part isn't altogether on purpose, though.

      And hmm. I understand that a lot of things aren't explained yet, but keep in mind that a lot of things ARE explained, too. Eleg is rather huge, and there's tons of stuff I wanna get around to, but it's important to me that I don't rush it out the door. For one thing, that'd require a rather long series of info dumps, which would overwhelm the narrative and characters.

      That being said, however, if you have specific questions about the setting or government structure or whatever else, please do go ahead and ask them. Even if I choose not to answer certain questions in the comments, I'll still try to prioritize them so that they get answered sooner in-story than they might have otherwise.

      As for your stated example of confusion: Hector is from a city called Brighton, in a country called Atreya. And the city of Sescoria, where the current scene is unfolding, is the capital Atreya. The country's government is a functioning monarchy (as in, the Queen is not simply a figurehead but has real power to affect policy and law; and in Helen's case, quite a lot of power).

      These things are all stated in-story, but perhaps it's a bit easier understand here in one place.

      And since you left such a lovely comment, I'll offer a tiny bit of extra information, as well--Atreya is not an international superpower. It's a fairly small country, but that's also one of the reasons why the Vanguard and Abolish didn't already have a strong presence there.

      And on a side note, perhaps I'll make a map of Atreya. I've been considering it for a while. It wouldn't be anything super fancy. I've only got MS Paint to work with. But yeah.

      Additionally, I apologize for the long-ass response. But then again, I told you some cool stuff. So. I un-apologize.

    2. Maaaap. Maaaaap. *coughs*
      There are free alternatives to mspaint now!

    3. Yeah, I know, but they're too, um. Resource-heavy. For my, um. LOOK, THE POINT IS, I CAN'T USE THEM, OKAY?

    4. Perhaps you should ask your fans for help, and supply them with an email address to send them to.

    5. What sort of help are you talking about? An e-mail address to send what to?

      And my e-mail address is already displayed here under "Copyright Permission."

    6. A map. ASK YOUR readers to provide you wit a map.

      Didn't notice the email address earlier

    7. Nah. Reader or no, that'd be work, and I don't want people working for me for free. Besides, I kinda like making maps. I can enjoyably spend hours and hours in mspaint, crafting it pixel by pixel.

  2. This is a nitpick, pure and simple. Desmond is displayed as a ruthless fighter. He rips of Hector's hand, while it was coated in iron, while Hector was in the middle of an attack! Yet when Lynnette is off-balance, Desmond just "manages" to sweeps her? C'mon, Desmond was supposed to rip off a body part in that brief opening. Seems he was held back. Sorry, I know you can't have Desmond kill Lynnette but it just takes me out of a story when a character is noticeably more merciless against an invulnerable or immortal character, but then all of a sudden seems to take things down a notch against a vulnerable, human character . Like a said, it's only a pet peeve of mine.

    I literally cried, "Fuck yeah!" when Hector saved Lynnette. That save was so awesome! And the callback to what Garovel said was brilliant. Really sold that scene for me.

    Aside from that, I'm shipping Hector and Lynnette. Thought you outta know :P