Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Page 685

--donation bonus week (day 1/5, post 5/5)--
With respect, we don’t know anything about you, so why should we trust you?’ said Shenado.

“Please, we’re here to help,” said Charlie. “Call General Lawrence, if you must. He will confirm.”

“I have been trying to call my husband,” said Mariana. “Why is he not answering?”

“Captain Zeff was captured,” said Charlie.

Mariana’s expression flickered. “By whom?”

“A rogue faction within the Vanguard. They want your family, because you have information regarding the whereabouts of your daughter, Gema.”

Why do they want Gema?

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know any more than that,” said Charlie.

Shenado paused. ‘Where are your reapers?

“Scouting the area for threats,” said Jonathan.

Mariana eyed the two men again, still not opening the door any farther. Her instincts told her not to trust them, but she knew her instincts to be a bit jaded. Everything they said sounded plausible, at least. And if there really was another threat out there, then ignoring these men might mean putting her children in even more danger. She clenched her jaw at the tense silence, uncertain what to do, and glanced at Shenado for help.

Shut the door,’ the reaper told her privately. ‘Tell them you don’t want their help, and then let’s see how they react.

Mariana closed it and backed away from the door’s treated gray wood. “Thank you for the warning! But I will be protecting my family without your help!”

“No, please, listen to us!” came Jonathan’s muffled voice. “We’re only concerned for your safety!”

“I appreciate that! You can tell General Lawrence I refused your assistance!”

They pleaded a few more times, but Mariana said nothing further. She kept backing up, consciously stepping closer to her covered landmine, and tried Cisco again while she waited. Still no answer.

When the pleas stopped, Mariana hunkered down and listened intently.

They’re moving away from the door,’ Shenado informed her. ‘They appear to be leaving... Hmm. We’ll wait a bit more before going after them.’ Abruptly, however, the reaper’s head twitched to the side. ‘I sense three more souls entering the property from the rear. I don’t recognize them.


  1. You know, i find myself asking why she is not trying to contact any of the other nearby rainlords? Even if she wants to handle this on her own, if there local leader Zeff was "Captured" and there is a threat to her family, then putting out the word is her responsibility. And Also "A rogue faction within the Vanguard" that is active in there area is something the other local servants need to know. Logically, she would not even need to make many calls, in the modern age a single text message sent to a local contacts list in her cell phone would do. Something like "RED ALERT, Zeff captured, Rogue vanguard attacking the elroy estate."

    That would have ALL of them headed her way in minutes.

  2. I think if you want to write a story, you should go ahead and write a story. For now, why not let the author tell the story his way? You're the kind of person I could imagine being in a movie theater for a horror movie shouting, "NO, DON'T GO IN THERE YOU STUPID GIRL. GOSH, WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST TURN THE LIGHTS ON AND LEAVE THE HOUSE?????"

  3. Stress, uncertainty,fear, lack of trust, worry, pick one cause any of them can lead to bad calls or ones that u wouldn't make from a third point of view.

  4. Haha, I appreciate you coming to my defense, but to be honest, I'd rather TZK not become a story that has to rely on the old "relax, it's just a story" mantra. I like it when my readers question things. Tells me they're paying attention and thinking critically about my writing, which is itself a kind of subtle compliment. :)

  5. They say hindsight is twenty twenty vision. Something similar applies when viewing through the fourth wall. From here, it's so much easier to see what the perfect solution is.

  6. you are awesome Mr Frost

  7. Why did this not have any upvotes? (O_o)

    I was bout to comment myself (regardless of how long ago this conversation was) before I saw your response. I'm glad you have that kind of reaction to readers questioning certain things in the story. And I really hate when the excuse "It's just a story" is used. I find it too flimsy, and too mich of a slippery slope. If you start excusing one thing, why not the next one? Or the one after? It's so much better when there's a plausible answer for everything within the very story. It makes discussions that much richer. While suspension of disbelief is warranted at times, logic is just as valuable, I think. I tip my proverbial hat of to you once again, Frost.

  8. I...really dunno what she should be doing in that situation! Her allies are now potentially her enemies. In that scenario, it's best to trust no one!