--donation bonus (day #1, post 1/5)--
“What about your other siblings?” Colt asked.
“You are very curious today,” said Rofal, laughing lowly. “If this is part of some ploy to take my family members hostage in exchange for your own, then for your own sake, allow me to dispel that plan in its infancy. You can take whomever you want. Or try to. My family members certainly do not need me to protect them from the likes of you. They would be upset if I did.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Ha.”
“What about Geoffrey’s parents? Are they dead?”
“No, they are alive. But they entrusted him to me. They struggled with him as a child.”
“I can imagine.”
“I do not think you can,” said Rofal.
Colt raised an eyebrow.
Rofal downed the rest of his whiskey and rested the glass in front of him. “There are very few people in this world who frighten me,” he said. “I am all too glad to have that monster’s favor.”
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‘What the hell is that thing?’ said Bohwanox.
‘I don’t know,’ said Garovel.
Hector didn’t have time to ask for an explanation. A group of five more guards appeared in the doorway and laid hands on him. He soon dispatched them, rendering three unconscious and two groaning in pain on the floor.
“Oh, wow! What a pleasure to meet you! My name is Geoffrey. What is yours?” When Hector did not reply, Geoffrey’s face scrunched up. “Why are the interesting people always so rude to me?”
Upon a second look, Hector noticed an unusual décor in this room. Not more than a meter to Geoffrey’s left lay a row of objects encased in glass. A foot, a hand, a nose, a little finger, a pair of eyes, a hairy scalp, a shriveled heart, a blackened brain. Various sizes and skin colors. All bloody.
A dark serial novel. Set in a modern fantasy world called Eleg. Mature language. Updates every night at midnight PST by ~400 words.
I think, in the second paragraph, it's supposed to be "take my family members hostage in exchange for your own." The R in "your" is missing.
ReplyDeleteI'm still enjoying this...but it's a little daunting to realize that I'm only halfway through!
Aha. Fixed, thank you.
DeleteHaha, hmm. Perhaps all the posts make it seem like the story is a lot longer than it is, but the actual amount of text isn't all that terrifying. YET. It's only about 50k words, currently. Not like some of the other monstrous web serials out there, ranging in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions.
Yeah, but 50k is approaching novel-length and things I read on the internet tend to be one-off articles. It's a little weird to get into a web serial and read a long, ongoing story that's not an actual book.
DeleteI don't mean to imply that it's any failure on your part. I'm just not used to the medium yet since I don't really like most of the serials I've come across.
Oh, no offense taken. I completely understand. In fact, I'm quite flattered.
DeleteSo he's straight up not human. Nice. Atmosphere is building very smoothly. Honestly, standard critiques are unnecessary here. You're operating well above it.
ReplyDeleteI've read a couple million-word fanfictions. They almost always drop in intrigue... In your defense, you're off to a much, MUCH better start than what I've become accustomed to.
ReplyDeleteLol I'm a little more than a tenth into this thing. My mouth waters just thinking bout it.
ReplyDeleteAll of my Hell no. I'd either have already run, or attacked him before he could analyze the new threat.
ReplyDeletei think i'm in love with geoffrey...
ReplyDeletehe's the perfect villain *swoons*
... THE HELL???
ReplyDelete