--donation bonus (day #30, post 3/5)--
‘I do not expect you to understand,’ said Hoyohté.
‘NO, SERIOUSLY!’ said Voreese. ‘TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE FUCKING VOID! I’M IMAGINING IT AS A GIANT, INVISIBLE ASSHOLE IN THE SKY! IS THAT ACCURATE?!’
‘I suppose I should expect no less from heretics, but will you even refuse to identify yourselves out of warriors’ respect?’
‘IS IT PUCKERED OR GAPING?!’
Hoyohté said nothing more as Karkash started moving again.
Roman knew that negotiations would have just been a waste of time, and Karkash didn’t look especially fazed by Voreese’s words, but even so, Roman had to wonder if it was wise, attempting to anger a man who could throw bolts of fucking lightning.
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Helen had thus far only managed to develop one real use for her calcium transfiguration power, as the learning curve for it had proved too steep for anything more. Epidermal calcification was all she had, a means of hardening her skin.
It was a simple enough idea but not at all easy in execution. Despite calcium itself being fairly tough on its own, Helen could not simply replace the surface layer of her skin with the stuff, as it would naturally react with the other elements below and reduce her flesh to a bubbling, melting mass of decidedly useless goo. So to prevent that from happening, she needed to make calcium carbonate--a mineral also requiring carbon and oxygen. Both of those elements were readily available in the human body and indeed, the skin itself, but learning to bond them together with her transfigured calcium had been a grueling exercise in patience and concentration. It took a rather precise application of mental pressure, and she’d only recently been able to get it down.
Combined with the fact that, in all of her thirty-three years, she’d never been in a fight until a little over two months ago, Helen was admittedly feeling disadvantaged in this whole ordeal.
Still, she had refused to stand by and let these three gentlemen do all the work. Enhanced strength and regeneration were useful enough on their own, and if nothing else, she could at least help to divide the enemy’s attention.
A dark serial novel. Set in a modern fantasy world called Eleg. Mature language. Updates every night at midnight PST by ~400 words.
One good side of having caved in and caught up - I can help catch typos now.
ReplyDelete"‘I suppose I should expect no less from heretics, but will you even refuse to identify yourselves as warriors’ respect?’ "
I don't think that's quite right - with a warrior's respect perhaps? Even if it's technically correct - I think I can see how it might be - it's very confusing in its current form.
It's correct as it is. It's the respect amongst and between multiple warriors, not the respect of a single warrior. Appreciate the check, though, thanks.
ReplyDeleteNo no, you don't understand. Didn't you read the whole thing? It doesn't matter if it's technically correct, it's still obtuse. It is confusing in its current form. It is a rough patch in the highway of your narrative. Smooth it over.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta understand, being able to explain it doesn't matter. In fiction, all that really matters is the reader's experience. Explanations all happen *after* the experience. If the sentence is confusing and they need to think about it to understand it - to break up the flow of their reading, of the scene - it's a problem. If people consistently get the wrong idea with Hector's pauses, a ten foot stack of academic papers can't change the substandard experience they are getting. Sub *your* standards, of course, so they are still pretty happy with you. But it's about fine tuning the flow, getting the full potential out.
And believe me, I've struggled with similar. Overly elaborate, convoluted sentences used to be a real bane of mine. You, you've just got this one blip. Lucky.
Haha, I understood perfectly well. It's fine the way it is, I think. :P
ReplyDeleteNitpicking here, but calcium really isn't a hard metal, it can be cut with a knife. Granted, this applies to skin as well, so calcium might still be an improvement (except for the reactivity and stuff), but for a metal, calcium is rather soft.
ReplyDeleteYou've got a point. Calcium actually IS fairly hard, just not when compared to other metals. It can be cut with a knife, yes, but not very easily. That would make it sound as soft as butter, which it most certainly isn't.
ReplyDeleteI'll rephrase and see if I can if I can get it clearer in the text.
It doesn't really matter either way since (as you've described in-story) elemental calcium is so reactive that it can't be used on its own. I just felt like pointing it out.
ReplyDeleteAnother interesting thing I wasn't aware of: calcium powder is self-igniting, so maybe Helen might be able to shoot fire too. But I'm about a hundred pages behind, so who knows what you've thought up in the meantime. ^^
Queen Helen's bone transfiguration power certainly reminds me of certain character from popular web series, I guess I shouldn't let the name out, but, btw, it's awesome
ReplyDeleteBone transfiguration? Helen was transfiguring her skin.
ReplyDeleteAnd is the series called Arifureta?
Moar Helen!
ReplyDeleteI think he means "Worm" by Wildbow, there is a character than has bone manipulation as his power.
ReplyDelete