Side Story #1 - Colt - Page 42

When she started talking, her voice changed a little. She was projecting, as if speaking to a full room. She didn't sound authoritative, exactly, but it was certainly different from what Colt might have expected.

"Cocora teaches us that perseverance is key to extracting meaning from the chaos that pervades the world," she said. "To find purpose and achieve it, one must have a steady heart and a steady mind. It is not about being happy. It is not about being comfortable. It is not even about being safe. These things are all valuable, yes, especially in the era in which we live. And they should not be wholly ignored or disregarded, but they can be--and often are--used as excuses for the pursuit of our lesser instincts. To help us cope with our fears. To satisfy our greed or our hunger or our lust.

"Our higher instincts, Cocora tells us, are not the ones that come so easily. But nonetheless, they are there. And they are the ones that we should prioritize. I speak of our instincts to build, to learn, to protect life, to nurture it, to see justice done, to achieve beyond ourselves and help others do the same.

"These higher instincts were granted to us by Cocora for a reason, and each and every day, She is with us as they are with us. When we listen to those instincts, we are listening to Her. We are pursuing the path She wants for us. Not a path of peace and comfort, necessarily, but a path of light. Of righteousness. Of value. And of meaning.

"So often, we get these matters confused. Happiness and fulfillment, for example. These two things may be similar, but they are not the same. Happiness is a pleasant feeling, but it is not a reason to get up in the morning. It is not a reason to build something, to achieve. It is a visiting emotion. And you can accomplish phenomenal things in your life while rarely ever feeling it. Fulfillment, on the other hand--"

As Colt listened, he couldn't help thinking that this was a surprisingly dark sermon, considering it was about the Goddess of Light. Was this normal? He'd never really studied any religions very closely, but he'd always gotten the impression that Cocora was supposed to be all about warmth and happiness and all that overly comforting bullshit that helped people sleep at night. That was what everyone had made it seem like whenever he'd overheard people talking about Cocora, at least.

Was that a mistake, then? Or was Alice Ridgemont just a fuckin' lunatic?

Well, he supposed both could be true.

Regardless, if he was being perfectly honest... he appreciated this a lot more. All that generic shit about "finding happiness" through religion had never resonated with him in the slightest. Maybe he was just too cynical, been burned by disappointment too many times when growing up. Whenever he heard people talking about pursuing or finding happiness, he usually felt like they were just trying to make themselves feel better rather than actually say something meaningful or useful.

This, though? This struck a chord, at least. Just a bit. It felt a little more realistic. Grounded.

He still wouldn't go so far as to say he believed it wholeheartedly, of course, but it was something. An improvement, maybe.

Her sermon went on for a while longer, and she eventually pulled a book out of a compartment in the lectern and held it up, quoting passages from it without actually opening it.

What was that thing called again? The Ora? Something like that.

That part of the sermon didn't land quite as strongly for Colt, since he wasn't familiar with any of the quotes being brought up, and the old-timey language made it all sound a bit stuffy and pretentious to him.

But whatever. That wasn't even a real criticism, he felt. If anything, it just highlighted how much of an ignorant bastard he was about these things.

When she was finally done, she gave a ritualistic bow with both hands holding her staff out in front of her.

Unsure what else to do, Colt started clapping. Thomas and Stephanie followed his lead--or tried to, at least.

Alice scurried over to him like a jack rabbit and sat down on the pew front of him. "So?! What did you think?!"

Oh, shit. Uh. Hmm.

"Thought it was pretty good," he said.

"Really?!"

"Yeah."

She gave a big sigh and leaned sideways in her pew, disappearing from his view entirely.

And she stayed there.

For quite a while.

Leaving Colt to wonder what was happening. Again.

Until at length, he began to hear the hushed sounds of weeping.

He stood up and peered over the edge of the pew.

Yep.

She was crying, alright.

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with this woman? Had that little compliment really been enough to make her cry tears of joy? Goddamn. How much could she have been--?

Wait a minute.

As he paid closer attention, it seemed to him that, her crying was slowly transforming. From a gentle, soft weeping into a more pronounced sobbing.

On second thought, maybe those weren't tears of joy.

"...Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

It took her a few moments to respond. She was hiding her face in her hands and still not looking at him. "Yes!" she squealed weakly between breaths. "I'm fine!"

Hmm.

"Funny," he said. "You don't sound fine."

She made a noise that might've been a word, but if it was, Colt couldn't puzzle it out.

Well, fuck.

He was not the person for this. He didn't know how to comfort someone who was crying. He wanted to say something, but he had a rather strong feeling that he would just make it worse if he did.

If she wanted to tell him what exactly was wrong, she would, right? Women loved to talk about their feelings.

Oh, but maybe she was doing that thing where they wanted the guy to ask, first. To show that he actually cared or whatever.

Colt just scratched his head.