Side Story #1 - Colt - Page 28

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So Alice stayed.

And as he predicted, she was a distraction. He tried to sit in silence and just mull the case over, but her mere presence was making it difficult. She played with the kids, which was nice, but in the back of his mind, his fatherly paranoia was still constantly urging him to pay attention to everything she was doing with them.

He certainly still remembered his initial distrust of her. Sure, he hadn't discovered any evidence that she was in any way involved in the sheriff's murder; and sure, the time that he'd spent getting to know her had made him fairly confident that she was just a normal woman who was a bit too nice and a bit too religious for her own good.

But instincts were a difficult thing to ignore.

And he'd only met her a few days ago.

And beautiful women couldn't be trusted.

Generally speaking.

Agh.

He was overreacting. He knew he was. And he couldn't help feeling like a fool. Even if he'd only technically met her a few days ago, he'd been observing Orden for months and hadn't noticed any suspicious behavior from her. By all accounts, she was just a regular person. A bit of a nutjob, maybe, but a regular person.

He hadn't known about her animal shelter, though.

Hmm.

That was right, wasn't it?

It would be moronic to think that he knew everything about her. That she couldn't still be hiding any dark secrets of her own. Everyone had their skeletons.

But then again... perhaps she'd already told him about hers. That fire where all those kids had died. That wasn't exactly a living, breathing, and happy memory of hers, obviously.

AGH.

Why was he going in circles when it came to this woman?

Why?

...Well.

He knew why. Of course he did. It was the simplest thing in the world.

He was attracted to her. And it was clouding his judgment. He wasn't a fucking teenager. He knew this about himself perfectly well. It wasn't the first time he'd experience this type of thing.

He needed to ignore it.

What did his stupid brain think would happen here? That he could actually have a romantic relationship with this woman?

There was no fucking way that was going to happen. Literally zero chance. For a million reasons. Not the least of which was because he lived in the fucking woods. No electricity. No plumbing. No money.

No woman in her right mind was going to put up with that shit.

And the kids came first.

What, did he think she could be a mother to them?

What a fucking moron he was.

It was a pipe dream. Utterly nonsensical. And letting that idea fester in his mind, allowing himself to get his hopes up--that was the absolute worst thing that he could do, right now. Because it would doubtless begin to affect the twins, if he did. If he allowed himself to even humor that notion, then it was inevitable that the kids would eventually take it to heart as well. Not right away, of course. They were still too young. But they were growing every day. Absorbing information all the time. They would pick up on it if he wasn't careful.

He hated himself for even harboring such an idea. It was probably a natural thing to think, but that didn't matter. He wasn't a natural creature. He knew that only too well by now. He was an abnormality of human nature. Cold and monstrous.

The only thing he was good for was killing.

It was pure fantasy to believe otherwise.

As he watched her playing with the twins, watched her smile and giggle with them, watched her stack blocks with them and even read to them for a while--that fact somehow became increasingly clearer to Colt.

The disparity.

Between him and normal people.

It was so natural for her. Doing all this. For him, it was a constant effort. A grind. Against his inner nature. He'd needed a fucking pediatrician to tell him how to be a decent parent, for fuck's sake.

Alice didn't belong here. With him.

If not for the twins, he would've told her to leave by now. If not for the idea that they might be able to benefit from her presence...

Ugh. He rubbed his forehead and allowed his eyes to ease shut for a moment. This mentality wasn't doing him any favors. It was a rabbit hole into total darkness. He knew because he'd spiraled down it a few times before. If he didn't keep himself in check, he would start thinking about how unsuited to being a father he really was. About how, despite all his past protestations, maybe the twins really would have been better off in someone else's care.

He couldn't let himself think like that. Even if it was true. That was the one thing he absolutely had to ignore.

Without Stephanie and Thomas...

There was nothing.

They were the only things keeping him sane, now.

Perhaps it was unfair to place that much responsibility on their little shoulders. Goddess knew he would probably come to regret it when they were older.

But that was the way it was. That was reality.

"Mr. Thompson?" said Alice.

He perked back up with a start. He'd drifted. Had he fallen asleep? He honestly didn't know.

"Are you okay?" She was staring at him, still sitting on the floor with the twins, but now with mild concern on her face.

What must his own face have been looking like? He took a breath and straightened in his chair. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired, I guess."

She nodded but looked like she had more to say.

He just waited.

"...What exactly is it that you do for a living?" she said.

Ah. This question. He'd been wondering if she was going to ask it. He'd been flirting with the idea of lying to her in some way, but with her seeing where he was living, that seemed like a pretty tall order. And the truth might actually serve to drive her off.

He remembered thinking that she would make a great babysitter for the kids while he pursued the murder investigation, but now the only thing he could think of was getting Alice to leave.

It wasn't rational. And yet it seemed like the right thing to do, nonetheless.

"I'm unemployed," he said bluntly.

"Oh," she said. Her reaction didn't reveal much. A bit surprised, perhaps, but not obviously judgmental.

Fuck.

"Then... how do you survive out here on your own?" she asked.

"I'm living off the land," he said.

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