Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Page 1483

Fine,’ said Garovel. ‘For my third guess... I’m gonna say that... uh... you... you plan on starting your own religion.

Hector snorted into a full laugh. ‘Holy crap, no. Wow, Garovel...

You’re gonna call it Hectorism. And you’re gonna use it to teach people all about the many types of dicketry that you’ve become a master of.

This means I win the game.

People will come from all over the world to learn about what a complete dick you are. I imagine you’ll have many followers, all trying to achieve the same pinnacle of dickness that you have.

Are you done?

I dunno. Are you sure you weren’t spouting a bunch of bullshit?

What?

I’ll concede my loss here, but now you’ve gotta prove that I really did lose. You have to tell me the truth about what you’re trying to keep from me.

Oh. Hmm. Alright.

Heh. You’re gonna tell me just like that? I thought you’d be more reluctant, considering what a big deal you made out of this whole thing.

Hector saw his chance for a killing blow and decided to take it. ‘It’s fine. I kinda hate keeping secrets from you, anyway.

Garovel fell quiet again.

Hector just waited, not sure what to think now.

Hector, that was... That was sudden. And unfair. Right in my nonexistent heart.

You do that shit to me all time,’ said Hector. ‘We’ll be talking all normal or whatever, then you’ll get super sincere and nice on me out of nowhere. And I’ll get self-conscious and feel weird.

Yeah, but I’m allowed to do that to you, because I’m such a sincere and wonderful guy in general. I’m just being my natural, charismatic self. You can’t take such a pure thing and... and weaponize it against me like that.

“Weaponize it?”’ laughed Hector. ‘Wow.

It’s like a friendliness bomb. Which is too much power for one man, clearly.

Alright, whatever. We’re getting sidetracked.

So tell me your secret already, then. I’m waiting.

It’s nothing major,’ said Hector. ‘I was just planning on building some religious shrines once we get back to Warrenhold.

Wait a minute, what?’ said Garovel. ‘Religious shrines?

Hector heard the surprise in Garovel’s voice and hesitated somewhat. ‘Yeah?

...What for? You said you weren’t planning to convert to any religion, right?

They wouldn’t be for me,’ said Hector. ‘They’d be for the Rainlords, mainly. But I’d also like to include some shrines for other religions as well.

Hold on. So you’re telling me... you’re gonna build these shrines as a gift to the Rainlords, and what? Keep the shrines a secret so that you can reveal them with one big celebration?

Uh... maybe. I don’t know how I want to do it yet. Why do you ask?

Because! Don’t you see?! That means my second guess was actually right! You ARE planning a religious surprise party!

What?!

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