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“Instead of promises which are sure to be broken, perhaps you could provide me with information. Here and now.”

“Interesting!” said Morgunov. “I’m open to that! Only problem is that all I’d be getting in exchange would be a promise from you to release me. And as you said, promises are sure to be broken.”

“If I do not deliver on said promise, then we will both remain stuck here.”

“Exactly. Which further means that you could continue pumping me for information for as long as you please. So if you want my knowledge, then you’ll have to give me some of yours in return.”

“You surprise me. I thought you would surely believe that I could not possibly tell you anything that you do not already know.”

“Why? Because of the so-called ‘emperor’s hubris?’ Puh-lease! I’m the humblest emperor to ever walk the planet!” He paused. “Plus, I’m sure you’re hiding all sorts of juicy secrets in that freaky little horn of yours.”

“It is not freaky.”

“It’s pretty freaky.”

“Hmph.”

“Oh, and since you’re the one holdin’ the key here, you’ve got a bit more negotiating power than I do. So that means I’m gonna need you to go first with the answering of questions. As a show of good faith, you understand.”

“I do not like the sound of that. If I have more negotiating power, as you claim, then surely it is you who should be going first, not me.”

“No, but see, if I go first, then you can just refuse to answer my question and ask another one of yours, instead. And you can just keep doing that endlessly.”

“You say that as if you would be incapable of refusing, yourself.”

“Of course I could refuse! But you could end the conversation whenever you want by just releasing us! And then what, huh? I’d be left alone, answerless, with my dick in my hand. And I would find that quite upsetting.”

“Hmm. I suppose you have a point.”

“‘Course I do!”

“But please keep your penis in your pants.”

“It was a metaphor. The youngins say that all the time. I can’t even feel my pants, right now.”

“I do not wish to see your metaphorical penis, either.”

“My--? Huh... Why do I feel so insulted, right now?”

“If I am to go first, then so be it. What is your question for me?”