Friday, May 12, 2023

Page 3309

With so much of the Candle's information in his head now, Hector could understand that sentiment a little better. And while in some ways, that made him more sympathetic to Ivan's perspective, in other ways, it had the exact opposite effect.

If you've had such awful misery visited upon you, then how could you, with such personal and intimate knowledge of what it was like, go out into the world and seek to visit similar feelings upon others?

Where was the sense in that?

There wasn't any. Because at that point, it couldn't be about logic, anymore. Or even survival or glory, as some might suggest.

It could only be about power. And maybe malice, by extension.

A desire to inflict pain for pain's sake. Because inflicting pain could at least make you feel powerful for change, and after experiencing so much horror, perhaps you'd grown tired of only ever feeling weakness.

That part, he was still struggling to wrap his head around. It was so antithetical to everything that he was trying to accomplish.

And yet...

He might've liked to believe that the idea was entirely foreign to him, that he couldn't imagine being so utterly filled with frustration and hatred that those two things became the only driving impulses in his mind.

But he'd felt it before. Most certainly.

He didn't want to lie to himself.

And if a timid wimp like him could reach a point where he felt that way, then it wasn't difficult to imagine other, more naturally vigorous people going through the same thing.

Then again, maybe in his case, it had been the timid wimpiness which had ultimately led him down the path to that feeling.

Or maybe not.

Agh.

Why did the world have to be so confusing? With everything the Candle had showed him, things should've been starting to make more sense, right? But every time he began to feel like maybe life wasn't so complicated after all, something else would come along and make him question everything he thought he already knew.

After his call with Xander, he made sure to call the Queen next and update her on things. He tried to keep it brief, but she ended up wanting all of the details. Which was understandable, he supposed. Unfortunately for her, he only had so many to give, and she was left sounding rather dissatisfied by the time their call concluded.

After that, he could've finally gone to get some sleep. And he certainly felt like he needed it, but with all these thoughts still brewing in the back of his mind, he suddenly wanted to stay awake for a while longer.

So he decided to go check on Grigozo and Ericoros.

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