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The problem, he was realizing, was that concept of "hating existence." It sounded simple enough at first, but he was starting to think that it wasn't at all. For one thing, how the hell could someone hate all of existence? What did existence ever do wrong? It was just an idea. A concept. What point was there in feeling that strongly about it?

But he had these memories now. This information. From the Candle, he was pretty sure. Plus his own memories, too, he supposed. He'd made plenty of those over the past year or so.

And they were telling him things. Reminding him of things. Stuff he'd experienced. Stuff he hadn't. Thankfully, he could at least differentiate them in that regard. His own life was much clearer in his mind. The others were foggier. Like dreams, maybe. And a bit less potent, as a result.

But they were certainly not without their impact. The Candle had seen so much. Through so many different eyes. So many different places.

And a lot of it, he knew, had been abject suffering. Just people in utter misery. Experiencing tragedy after tragedy. The kind that turned their entire world upside down.

It was so strange to dwell on. An ocean of ancient sensations. Not ideas, exactly. At least, not yet. Maybe in the future, he'd be able to pick up on specific thoughts like that, but at least for the time being, all he could remember were vague scenes painted with emotions.

A great sickness, for example. Death all around. Everywhere. A stench that seemed like it would never go away. And such heart-rending despair.

Hopelessness. Heartlessness. Hatred.

At what? He wasn't sure. Maybe everything.

That was just one way in which it almost made sense to him. One avenue down which someone could arrive at such a dark place.

It made him wonder if he could ever get there, himself. Be taken there. If everything he'd come to care about crumbled around him? Everyone?

It hurt to think about. But it seemed necessary, too. If he was to continue down this dangerous path, fighting people who might very well be enveloped in this exact type of thinking...

Yeah. It definitely seemed necessary to think about. And important. Even if he never found answers--which he expected he wouldn't--it still seemed important.

He was reminded of Ivan's words to him.

"Take a good, long look at the world and try to see things for how they really are."