“Have a seat, boy,” said an older gentleman on the right.
Geoffrey approached them, and the reapers all edged away from him. To his eyes, each reaper looked very human, except a bit blurry and flickering like an old video recording. “Why did you invite me here?” he asked.
“Because I liked your uncle,” the same man said. “Now be quiet. You haven’t earned the right to speak at our table.”
Geoffrey’s smile tightened. “I do not like being told what to do.”
The man held up an open hand and clenched it into a fist. “I said be quiet.”
The air escaped from Geoffrey’s lungs. His eyes bulged as he struggled for breath and found none available. He glared at the man and ran forward, but an invisible pressure held him back, sturdy as if a wall had been there.
Geoffrey lashed out with red, snaking around the room and across the table at the man’s reaper.
The man stood and speared the shadow through the center with only an index finger. The shadow crackled and died. “I didn’t know you were a monster when I invited you here,” said the man, “but it changes nothing. You will learn respect, boy.”
Geoffrey fell to his knees, able to breathe again. He scowled at all of them, but they paid him little mind.
“What were we talking about?” said someone with a low, scraping voice. This one was an even older gentleman, oily smudges all over his face and faded overalls. “Vincent?”
The man from before acknowledged his own name. “This business with the Queen,” he said. “Each of our enterprises will likely suffer if blame for the attack is shifted to a criminal body.”
A dark serial novel. Set in a modern fantasy world called Eleg. Mature language. Updates every night at midnight PST by ~400 words.
Do the servants of reapers age slower, not at all, their own pace, or do they permanently stay the age they died. I ask because they could regenerate themselves, and thus always look young but at least two of the guys here seem distinctly old.
ReplyDeleteThis'll get explained in time.
DeleteAlso when about in the day will these 2 daily updates occur?
ReplyDeleteI always update at midnight US Pacific time. On double posting days, it's midnight and noon.
DeleteI'm guessing they can appear whatever age they want to. Come to think of it, I don't think Garovel said that Hector was stuck looking like Hector. Some subtle shifting of facial features such as cheekbones, nose, and mouth would go far as a disguise. Maybe even lengthen or shorten the leg bones a bit for a difference in height.
ReplyDeleteInteresting prediction.
DeleteSo this is the table Rofal wanted to buy a place at. This is the national criminal scheme heh? The various big bodies, driven by undead power to the top.
ReplyDeleteHaha, wow, thank you for all the comments. They are much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI'm a writer myself, I'm talkative, and I type fast :D. Plus I find what you are doing intriguing on several levels. Not just the story, which you *are* doing very well, but the way you are posting it.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoy editing, not so much for grammar as for subtler stuff. I have a reputation for it in my writer groups.
And besides, I know how gratifying that sort of live feedback can be. Some people think we authors just want hard stuff, but actually, just knowing people are reading and enjoying is the big thing - and the more direct the evidence, the more gratifying it is. I'll continue to drop short observations as I go. And I'm sure I'll have the occasional harder bit of advice to drop (like recognizing Hector's pauses earlier). That's the sort I like to give when I can). Do you have plans to turn these into genuine comes-with-a-price-tag e-books by the way? It's certainly solid enough, though you'd probably need to edit a bit for the more classic format - you've probably got things broken into more scenes than you would in a book.
Just because it's on my mind, there is one place the fantasy/modern times thing jars by the way: the names of the countries. They all sound like Sword and Sorcery stuff. Not the cities, the countries.
I want to keep the entire story online and free to read. But I know there's also a big market for ebooks out there, so if possible, I plan to eventually organize the story into volumes. I'll make the first volume free, and at the end, I'll put a link to this site for anyone who wants to keep reading for free. Prices for subsequent volumes will probably be either .99 US or 2.99 US, depending on how much text I decided to include in each volume. There's a whole financial maelstrom of complications to consider before making that decision, though.
ReplyDeleteOh, and about Hector's pauses. I'm not sure if I wanna make Garovel directly acknowledge that even earlier. I'm still considering it, but I don't think it's strictly needed, because the story DOES acknowledge it right on page one, just not directly. Merely by having one of the two disembodied voices speak in pauses and having the other NOT do that, the story is already hinting that there is a distinction between them.
As for the jarring country names, well. The story does have a vein of sword & sorcery to it, but moreover, I think the only reason a lot of real world countries don't sound more jarring to us is because we've grown accustomed to hearing them. As readers get to know these fictional countries, I think it'll be the same. Or if you're concerned about the towns not sounding as "fantasy-like" as the countries, then I don't really think that's an issue, either. This story is a marriage of real world elements and fantasy elements.
But in that first conversation, the hesitating voice is clearly very confused, so we assume a very different reason for the pauses. Still it's the sort of call only the author should make, and the acknowledgement doesn't really take that long, it just seems that way because of how the text is divided up on here.
ReplyDeleteThe Worf Effect. Y'know, I'm just gonna stop before I spout tropes on every page lol.
ReplyDeleteBut shit, we have 5 confirmed new baddies that are each as dangerous, or more so, as Geoffrey. It was a VERY good idea of Garovdl to see the Queen as a possible ally.
Vincent is awesome. Didn't care if Geoffrey was human or not, still taught him his place. What the Hell was his ability? At first I thought he controlled the air molecules and sucked them out Geoffrey's lungs, but when Geoffrey was held back by an invisible force, I thought it was some kinda mental power. So it's either some kinda Aerokinesis or Telekinesis/Psychokinesis.
I'm probably completely wrong...
Undeads secretly ruling the country? ILLUMINATI
ReplyDelete