‘It has to do with your brain.’ Garovel tapped a long phalanx bone against his bare skull. ‘Rather than having to rely on blood and flesh for all of its energy, your brain now relies entirely upon me, largely because I now inhabit your brain, so to speak. But, in terms of this physical world, your brain is now self-sustaining. Even if, say, you bleed to death or your heart stops beating or you even stop breathing, your brain will continue to work just fine.’ The reaper paused again. ‘Of course, it’s not quite as simplistic as it sounds, since the brain is a pretty complicated piece of equipment. I did have to numb all sorts of signals that might otherwise fool your brain into thinking it needs to shut down due to a lack of blood or glucose or what have you, but you don’t really need to worry about all that. I’ve got everything covered.’
Hector tried to say something but found he didn’t have the words, so he just kind of stared with a raised brow.
The reaper tilted its head at him. ‘Did that make sense?’
He merely nodded.
‘Alright, then. The third advantage is, obviously, having my shining personality around whenever you need me.’
He couldn’t help smirking just a little.
‘Though, it’s more than just my personality,’ Garovel went on. ‘As a reaper of death, I have the ability to sense whenever someone is on the verge of it. The verge of death, that is. Simply put, I perceive an aura of impending doom about a person’s soul. It’s very dramatic. Especially because I can’t do anything to help them. You, on the other hand, can. So whenever I sense that aura around someone, I want you to try and save them. Understood?’
A dark serial novel. Set in a modern fantasy world called Eleg. Mature language. Updates every night at midnight PST by ~400 words.
Okay....here's the thing. Half of what I see suggests Hector committed suicide. One doesn't generally slash both arms with a razor by accident. But the initial out of body conversation, and other things afterwards, sure don't make it sound like Hector intended to die. I'm not sure if one of the two impressions is a mistake, or you intend to complicate things somehow to accommodate both...except I just have a hard time imagining how you could do that. It's just hard to believe Hector hadn't planned his death from here. It is, however, increasingly clear he is the sort of person at risk for suicide: the right age, the right living conditions. If he committed suicide and then regretted it, that would still feel slightly at odds with the impressions you've given at various points so far, and some editing to smooth that out might be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteTo keep that criticism in context, I'll add this is well written and reasonably interesting so far (I haven't gotten that far in, after all, but there's solid ideas, good thought behind the fantasy, the balance between explanation and 'magic!' is very nice, tilted somewhat more towards explanation but not so far you start tripping yourself up). It's just I would have waited a lot longer to start giving feedback - given things time to properly shape up - if not for that suicide issue niggling at me.
Strangely enough, it's a fact that most suicides don't want to die. It can be a cry for help, attention, or even just a means of feeling alive by
ReplyDeleteapproaching the threshold of death. Hector actually is a fairly good example of a failed suicide attempt. I wouldn't be surprised if George Frost has studied psychology.
Thank you so much, Frost, for explaining the link between Hector and Garovel. And especially going in depth about what makes Hector what he is right now (he could effectively go underwater without breathing!) instead of just saying "It's MAGIC!" I can't stand when stories don't take the time to explain certain aspects properly. I find it very poor storytelling, so I very much appreciate what you did here Frost.
ReplyDeleteshouldn't that be "phalange" bone? Phalanx is an infantry formation.
ReplyDelete...the ghost of typos past...
Phalanx also refers to the bones in the fingers and toes. Phalange and phalanx are more or less interchangeable.
ReplyDelete