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This was a first.

He’d never been able to actually sense her emotions before. Why was that, he wondered? Why now? It wasn’t like she didn’t have emotions any of the other times they’d communicated via the Shard like this.

Perhaps it was simply because of how strong this particular emotion was. Perhaps normal feelings couldn’t make the telepathic trip or whatever. He might’ve asked Garovel about it, but the reaper had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t understand how the Shards worked, so he didn’t see much point.

A sudden wetness around his eyes made Hector squint and blink, and he found himself wiping tears away.

‘Holy shit,’ he thought explicitly.

‘What’s the matter?’ said Garovel.

‘What is it?’ said Emiliana.

‘Uh, ah, n-nothing,’ Hector floundered. He’d accidentally talked to both at once when he hadn’t meant to say anything to either of them.

‘Just tell me,’ said Emiliana.

‘Didn’t sound like nothing,’ said Garovel.

They couldn’t hear each other, Hector knew, and he didn’t want to try to explain whatever the hell was happening, right now. So he spoke to Garovel first. ‘Sorry, I meant to say that to Emiliana, and I, uh... got my wires crossed, I guess.’

‘Ah,’ was all the reaper said, seemingly satisfied.

Then he tried to give the reverse excuse to Emiliana. ‘Sorry, I meant to say that to Garovel and just accidentally said it to you...’

‘Is something happening over there?’ she asked.

That was not the response he’d been hoping for. ‘N-no.’ How was he supposed to explain this? Tell her that she’d made him cry? Somehow, that seemed like the worst thing he could say to her right now.

‘...Are you lying to me?’ She sounded a little annoyed. ‘Didn’t I just ask you not to lie to me?’

He could feel himself losing composure. Anxiety welling up. He thought he’d been getting better about this, yet here it was again, strong as ever, paralyzing his thoughts, squeezing breath out of his lungs.

He had to tell her something. It was just going to get worse, if he didn’t. And if he told her the wrong thing, the conversation would spiral out of control, and she would start to hate him or perhaps just begin to realize how pathetic he really was beneath this desperate facade that he’d been trying so hard to--

‘Are you alright?’ she asked.

He couldn’t answer that.

‘Hector?’

His eyes widened with horror.

She’d felt his anxiety just now, hadn’t she?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck--

‘Hect--?’

He let go of the Shard.

This was not okay.

He held his hand tightly over his mouth and shut his eyes, trying to steady his breathing and hopefully his mind.

Letting someone hear his intentional thoughts was one thing. That was fine. He could control that. More or less. But letting someone sense whatever stupid, panicky, humiliating feelings he was having?

No. That was a bridge too far.