Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Page 3195

He had to do something. That much was obvious.

But his mind was already being stretched beyond its limit as he tried to keep track of everything. That much was also obvious, just from instinct alone. It was this tenuous feeling in his head, like his own grip on himself--on his Focus, perhaps--was slipping. If he continued trying to push even further, would it all collapse? Would his Focus break apart? Lose track of everything? Or just destroy his mind entirely?

There was no way to know. But it was a terrifying sensation, as if he were standing at the cusp of a bridge that led into a wall of complete black. A veil into something wholly unknown or even unknowable.

Beyond here, there was no knowledge for, nor hope of, a capacity to return. If he took another step forward, anything could happen to him. He could be changed horrifically forever. He could simply disappear. Be swallowed whole by oblivion.

He didn't fear Banda. He didn't fear the battle. He certainly didn't fear death.

But he did fear this. Whatever it was.

In his head, everything seemed to slow to a crawl as he deliberated. Even his own thoughts felt sluggish, just barely faster than everything else going on around him.

Just barely enough to make a decision.

This fear. It seemed built-in. Part of the deal. He couldn't take that step without acknowledging it. Without accepting it. Ignoring it or trying not to feel it--those things were somehow out of the question.

And a million questions wanted to be asked at once.

Where did this bridge lead? Was this another form of emergence? Was this Focus? Domain? Both? Something else? The Candle's influence? Would he be changed? For the better? For the worse? Did it even matter? Did he have any choice at all?

But he didn't have the mind for any of these questions. Not enough space or awareness left. He only had enough to decide.

And of course he had to do it. The raptors were closing in, practically chomping at his heels. If this meant an opportunity to keep fighting, to protect Warrenhold and Atreya and everyone else, then he had to push onward.

He felt it begin to form. A fifth thread in his mind. A fifth thought process. The first for flight, the second for managing his senses, the third for counterattacking, the fourth for decision-making. And this was the fifth.

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