Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Page 1483

‘Fine,’ said Garovel. ‘For my third guess... I’m gonna say that... uh... you... you plan on starting your own religion.’

Hector snorted into a full laugh. ‘Holy crap, no. Wow, Garovel...’

‘You’re gonna call it Hectorism. And you’re gonna use it to teach people all about the many types of dicketry that you’ve become a master of.’

‘This means I win the game.’

‘People will come from all over the world to learn about what a complete dick you are. I imagine you’ll have many followers, all trying to achieve the same pinnacle of dickness that you have.’

‘Are you done?’

‘I dunno. Are you sure you weren’t spouting a bunch of bullshit?’

‘What?’

‘I’ll concede my loss here, but now you’ve gotta prove that I really did lose. You have to tell me the truth about what you’re trying to keep from me.’

‘Oh. Hmm. Alright.’

‘Heh. You’re gonna tell me just like that? I thought you’d be more reluctant, considering what a big deal you made out of this whole thing.’

Hector saw his chance for a killing blow and decided to take it. ‘It’s fine. I kinda hate keeping secrets from you, anyway.’

Garovel fell quiet again.

Hector just waited, not sure what to think now.

‘Hector, that was... That was sudden. And unfair. Right in my nonexistent heart.’

‘You do that shit to me all the time,’ said Hector. ‘We’ll be talking all normal or whatever, then you’ll get super sincere and nice on me out of nowhere. And I’ll get self-conscious and feel weird.’

‘Yeah, but I’m allowed to do that to you, because I’m such a sincere and wonderful guy in general. I’m just being my natural, charismatic self. You can’t take such a pure thing and... and weaponize it against me like that.’

‘“Weaponize it?”’ laughed Hector. ‘Wow.’

‘It’s like a friendliness bomb. Which is too much power for one man, clearly.’

‘Alright, whatever. We’re getting sidetracked.’

‘So tell me your secret already, then. I’m waiting.’

‘It’s nothing major,’ said Hector. ‘I was just planning on building some religious shrines once we get back to Warrenhold.’

‘Wait a minute, what?’ said Garovel. ‘Religious shrines?’

Hector heard the surprise in Garovel’s voice and hesitated somewhat. ‘Yeah?’

‘...What for? You said you weren’t planning to convert to any religion, right?’

‘They wouldn’t be for me,’ said Hector. ‘They’d be for the Rainlords, mainly. But I’d also like to include some shrines for other religions as well.’

‘Hold on. So you’re telling me... you’re gonna build these shrines as a gift to the Rainlords, and what? Keep the shrines a secret so that you can reveal them with one big celebration?’

‘Uh... maybe. I don’t know how I want to do it yet. Why do you ask?’

‘Because! Don’t you see?! That means my second guess was actually right! You ARE planning a religious surprise party!’

‘What?!’

Monday, January 8, 2018

Page 1482

((Double Monday -- Page 2 of 2))
That gave the reaper pause. ‘What do you want?’

Hector already had something in mind. ‘I want... you to tell me more about your past.’

Garovel met his gaze evenly for a moment. ‘My past, huh?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Could you narrow it down a little? I’ve got more than three thousand years’ worth, remember?’

‘Hmm.’ Hector folded his armored arms. ‘Alright. Then I want you to tell me something that you’ve never told any of your previous servants before.’

Garovel was quiet again.

‘And it has to be something significant, too,’ Hector added. ‘Not like... just a story about how you once ate a nice meal and went to sleep or some bullshit like that.’

‘...Alright,’ said Garovel. ‘I can agree to that.’

‘Okay, then.’

‘It looks like we’ve got ourselves a game.’

‘Yeah, it does.’

A briefly heavy intermission passed as they stared at one another, letting the ambient hissing and rumbling of Himmekel fill the air.

Hector had to break the silence for a confession, however. ‘...With all this build up, though, I’ve kinda forgotten what the game was even about.’

‘I have to guess what it is that you’re obviously trying to hide from me.’

‘...I’m trying to hide something from you?’

‘Yes! Something to do with your sudden interest in gods! Don’t try to act all innocent now, Hector! It won’t work!’

‘Oh, right, yeah. I remember what it was now. Sorry.’

‘Yeah, right. You’re a sneaky little bastard, you know that?’

‘Shut up and take your three guesses already.’

‘Alright, I will! For my first guess... I’m gonna say that you’re thinking of converting to a religion. And the reason you’ve been keeping it from me is because you think I’ll disapprove. Which I probably will, but that’s beside the point.’

‘Wrong.’

‘What?! Bullshit! You know this game doesn’t work if you lie, right?!’

‘I’m not lying, Garovel. I haven’t been thinking about converting to any religion.’

‘Then what the--? Gah... Fine. Hmm. For my second guess... I’ll say... you’re planning some sort of religious surprise party.’

Hector squinted. ‘...What the hell is a “religious surprise party?”’

‘Like a... celebration of something religious, I guess?’ said Garovel.

‘Isn’t that a little vague? I mean, it’s still wrong as fuck, but shouldn’t these guesses be more specific? I feel like it’s cheating if you can just say shit that’s too generalized or whatever.’

‘Oh, shut up. I’m on my last guess here.’

‘Yes, you are.’

‘Ugh...’

‘Don’t cheat now,’ said Hector.

‘Fuck yourself.’

Hector just laughed.

‘Alright, then,’ said Garovel. ‘Final guess. Hmm... What would you be trying to hide from me? Agh... shit. I’ll be honest. I really thought it was that first thing. Goddammit, Hector.’

‘Don’t look at me like that. You’re not getting any sympathy from me. There is some real shit on the line here.’

‘You’re a dick.’

‘And you’re a jackass.’

Page 1481

((Double Monday -- Page 1 of 2))
‘Atreya isn’t the only place where people worship her, y’know,’ said Garovel. ‘She’s been popular all over Eloa for thousands of years, especially during the peak of the Mohssian Empire. In fact, I’d say that was one of the major reasons why the Rainlords never really got along with the rest of the Empire very much. They refused to let go of Lhutwë and accept Cocora into their hearts like everybody else was doing.’

‘Yeah, that sounds like the Rainlords alright.’

‘Hector, why are you so interested in gods all of a sudden?’

‘N-no reason.’

‘You hesitated. That means you’re lying.’

‘N-no, it doesn’t. I do that shit all the time. I can’t help it.’

‘Yeah, I don’t believe you,’ said Garovel. ‘And if you’re lying to me, then I’m guessing that it’s because you’re planning to do something that you know I won’t like.’

‘I... ah...’

‘Something to do with gods, obviously.’

‘Now who’s the detective? Sheesh.’

‘Just tell me what it is and save me the trouble of guessing.’

Hector considered it briefly. ‘I thought you liked guessing games.’

‘You’re gonna be like that, are you? Alright, fine, I’ll play.’

‘You get three guesses,’ said Hector.

‘Oh, you’re giving me a hard limit? Seems a bit unfair.’

‘Wouldn’t be much of a game if I didn’t. If I let you have all the guesses you want, then you can’t lose. There would be no stakes.’

‘Heh, stakes, huh? This is getting serious, now. What do I get if I win, then?’

‘Hmm. What do you want?’

Garovel fell silent as he mulled it over. ‘I want you to ask Lynn out on a date the next time you see her.’

Hector stopped walking for a second to look at Garovel. ‘Well, so much for that game, then. You’re right, Garovel. We should just concentrate on finding that keyhole.’

‘Okay, okay, just hold on,’ the reaper said in hurry. ‘That was too much. Fine. I don’t want you to ask her out on a date. Instead, I just want you to give her a compliment.’ After a beat, he added, ‘Intentionally, that is. Accidental compliments don’t count.’

Hector took some time to deliberate, frowning inside his helmet as he tried to imagine it. ‘How...? I... agh, so I’m supposed to just shoehorn a random compliment into a conversation with her out of nowhere?’

‘Doesn’t have to be out of nowhere,’ said Garovel. ‘I’m sure you could figure out a sneaky way to work up to it. I’ve got faith in you, buddy.’

Hector grumbled to himself, wanting to call the game off again but not seeing much justification for it this time.

‘C’mon,’ said Garovel. ‘If you can talk Ivan down from killing everyone, then I’m pretty sure you can at least pay Lynn a compliment.’

Hector scowled. ‘Only if you win. You’ve gotta guess right, first.’

‘Of course. And for my first guess--’

‘Hold on. What do I get if I win?’