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‘Hmm,’ said Hector. ‘Would there even be a definitive way to determine whether the planet is alive or not?’

‘Well, again, what do you mean by “alive?” Do you mean “possessing a consciousness?” Do you mean “self-aware?” Because there are plenty of single-celled organisms that wouldn’t fit that criteria.’

‘Aw, hell, I don’t know...’

‘You don’t know what you meant by alive?’

‘I always feel so stupid when you start bringing up scientific shit.’

‘Well, good, because that’s why I bring it up. Not to help you learn anything. To make you feel stupid. It gives me great pleasure.’

‘I’m sure it does.’

‘I was being facetious.’

‘Were you, Garovel? Were you?’

‘Don’t get all pouty on me. I’m trying to help you.’

‘Okay, so is the planet alive or not?’

‘You weren’t listening to me at all, were you?’

‘I listened to you spout a bunch of vague bullshit!’

Garovel laughed. ‘Wow.’

‘Remember that conversation you had with Rasalased?! Well, that’s what talking to YOU is like!’

‘Alright, there’s no need to hurt my feelings,’ said Garovel. ‘What didn’t you understand?’

‘I don’t know! I was just wondering if there was more to the planet’s... energy or whatever. More than most people realize, I mean.’

‘The answer to that is yes.’

‘Okay... so... could you elaborate?’

‘Not really, no.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because, as far as I am aware, nobody really understands the planet’s “energy or whatever,” as you put it. So we’re not sure if that means it’s alive.’

‘But, uh, you said that “alive” had a weird definition and that I’m dumb.’

‘I didn’t say you were dumb.’

‘Sounded like you did.’

‘Then you misheard.’

‘Yeah, well, I bet you were thinking it.’

‘No, but I’m thinking it right now.’

It was Hector’s turn to laugh.