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It wasn’t like he even knew this girl all that well, either. He was supposed to just show her all the worst parts of himself, now? Parts that he didn’t even want himself to see?

That was just impossible.

But...

His conversation with Emiliana was not yet done, he knew. She hadn’t gotten around to telling him what she knew about worms.

And that was important, goddammit. Certainly more important than all his stupid insecurities.

He opened his eyes, grit his teeth, growled to himself, and then scratched his brow hard enough to leave marks. He stared at that damn red crystal lying there on his bed, able to sense its calling pulse again.

He sighed angrily and picked it back up.

‘--there?’ came her voice again. ‘Ah! You’re back! What happened? Where did you go?’

He figured he should apologize first, even though a rather large part of him didn’t want to. ‘S-sorry, I, uh... I dropped the Shard accidentally.’

She took a while to respond. ‘...Is that really true?’ she said, taking that irritated tone with him again, this time more strongly. ‘Hector, I just--I feel like you’re not telling me something, and I don’t appreciate--’

‘Stop,’ he said, perhaps more firmly than he’d intended. ‘Just. Stop.’

And she did.

His anxiety from earlier was still there, though it had been significantly lessened by his mounting frustration. And he figured out what he wanted to say to her now. ‘If you want to keep your location and circumstances a secret... and if you want me to lie to your father about you... then fine. I get it. But you don’t get to do all that and then chastise ME for keeping a few things to myself. Okay? You just--’ He sighed through his nostrils. ‘You don’t get to do that.’

Emiliana made no response.

As the silence drew out, he began to worry that he’d upset her. But he didn’t regret what he’d said. He tried to sense what she was feeling again, but there was nothing. He supposed it didn’t work like that. He decided that his theory from earlier was probably correct after all. Her feelings must have needed to be extraordinarily strong in order for him to sense them, and right now, they simply weren’t.

Perhaps he needed to say more.

‘Look,’ he tried, ‘I... I don’t mean to be rude. And you CAN trust me. I want to help your family however I can. Okay? I really do.’

Still, she remained quiet.

He wasn’t sure what else he could say without backpedaling completely. And he refused to do that.

Eventually, however, she finally said, ‘...Okay.’

And then he sensed her let go of her Shard. He waited to see if she would come back right away like he had. He tried calling out to her through the Shard, wanting her to at least come back and finish whatever she was going to say about worms.

But she didn’t.

“Shit...” He was beginning to see a family resemblance.

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This was a first.

He’d never been able to actually sense her emotions before. Why was that, he wondered? Why now? It wasn’t like she didn’t have emotions any of the other times they’d communicated via the Shard like this.

Perhaps it was simply because of how strong this particular emotion was. Perhaps normal feelings couldn’t make the telepathic trip or whatever. He might’ve asked Garovel about it, but the reaper had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t understand how the Shards worked, so he didn’t see much point.

A sudden wetness around his eyes made Hector squint and blink, and he found himself wiping tears away.

‘Holy shit,’ he thought explicitly.

‘What’s the matter?’ said Garovel.

‘What is it?’ said Emiliana.

‘Uh, ah, n-nothing,’ Hector floundered. He’d accidentally talked to both at once when he hadn’t meant to say anything to either of them.

‘Just tell me,’ said Emiliana.

‘Didn’t sound like nothing,’ said Garovel.

They couldn’t hear each other, Hector knew, and he didn’t want to try to explain whatever the hell was happening, right now. So he spoke to Garovel first. ‘Sorry, I meant to say that to Emiliana, and I, uh... got my wires crossed, I guess.’

‘Ah,’ was all the reaper said, seemingly satisfied.

Then he tried to give the reverse excuse to Emiliana. ‘Sorry, I meant to say that to Garovel and just accidentally said it to you...’

‘Is something happening over there?’ she asked.

That was not the response he’d been hoping for. ‘N-no.’ How was he supposed to explain this? Tell her that she’d made him cry? Somehow, that seemed like the worst thing he could say to her right now.

‘...Are you lying to me?’ She sounded a little annoyed. ‘Didn’t I just ask you not to lie to me?’

He could feel himself losing composure. Anxiety welling up. He thought he’d been getting better about this, yet here it was again, strong as ever, paralyzing his thoughts, squeezing breath out of his lungs.

He had to tell her something. It was just going to get worse, if he didn’t. And if he told her the wrong thing, the conversation would spiral out of control, and she would start to hate him or perhaps just begin to realize how pathetic he really was beneath this desperate facade that he’d been trying so hard to--

‘Are you alright?’ she asked.

He couldn’t answer that.

‘Hector?’

His eyes widened with horror.

She’d felt his anxiety just now, hadn’t she?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck--

‘Hect--?’

He let go of the Shard.

This was not okay.

He held his hand tightly over his mouth and shut his eyes, trying to steady his breathing and hopefully his mind.

Letting someone hear his intentional thoughts was one thing. That was fine. He could control that. More or less. But letting someone sense whatever stupid, panicky, humiliating feelings he was having?

No. That was a bridge too far.

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He grit his teeth at that question and hesitated. He felt like he should just come right out and tell her. He felt like she’d probably figured it out already, anyway. But still, he hesitated.

‘Hector, just tell me. And please... please don’t lie. Because, right now, it’s just... Chergoa, Ibai... and you. You’re the only ones I can trust, so... please, just...’

Hector had no defense against her words or her pleading tone. ‘Okay,’ he finally said. ‘The truth is... we’re in the Undercrust right now, trying to avoid the Vanguard. We’re on our way back to Warrenhold, and yeah... we’ve been fighting a lot. Worms are really... annoying and hard to kill.’

She paused again. ‘Has anyone gotten hurt? Or...?’

He knew what she was really wanting to ask, but he didn’t actually know if the worms had killed anyone.

But he did know about Dunehall. And if there was ever a time to bring it up, now was it. He had to make a decision, he knew. Putting it off wouldn’t be avoiding anything. That would be a decision, too. And his gut was telling him that he shouldn’t keep it from them. They deserved to know. Especially Ibai. The man’s father had been killed, after all.

He took a deliberate breath.

‘...It’s been pretty chaotic, so I’m not sure if the worms have killed any of us. However... I should tell you that... back at Dunehall, after you left... there were many casualties.’ He allowed a beat to pass, in case she wanted to say anything, but when she didn’t, he kept going. ‘Ismael Blackburn was among them. He and his reaper... were murdered by Ivan.’

‘How horrible...’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to bring it up, but... I thought Ibai should know.’

‘I-I understand. Thank you for telling me. I will relay it to him.’ She paused another time, perhaps considering her next words. ‘Who... who else was killed? And, and how many casualties were there, exactly?’

Both of those were questions he had trouble answering--partly because he simply didn’t want to and partly because he wasn’t sure he could remember everyone. He didn’t want to suddenly reach out to Garovel with such awful questions, but in the end, that was exactly what he did. The reaper handled it with more grace than surprise, and Emiliana mostly just waited and listened quietly.

It took a while.

‘...Thank you for telling me,’ she eventually said, once Hector and Garovel had finished going down the list. She remained quiet for a while longer after that, perhaps talking to Ibai, perhaps just processing everything.

Hector didn’t know how to revive the conversation. Or even if he should.

But he could tell that she was still there. It was more obvious than ever. He could feel something from the Shard that he never had previously. Some sort of... intensity in his head and in his heart. A heaviness that seemed not to be his own, somehow.

It was her sorrow, he eventually realized. He could actually feel her sorrow.