Nere just shut her eyes and hung her head. Arguing was fruitless, she felt. She deserved all of this and more.
‘I’ve never been a believer in punishment, really,’ said Sentsia. ‘I always thought that it was better to try to “rehabilitate” someone than to “punish” them. The desire to rehabilitate comes from a place of empathy. It’s “nicer.” While the desire to punish comes from a place of, arguably, anger. It’s more brutalistic. It felt like something that only the unenlightened person would pursue.
‘But thanks to you, I see now that I was wrong. I was too confident in my sense of moral superiority. I think, perhaps, my lack of awareness in this regard may have only served to make this situation worse. If I had thought to punish you for your actions sooner, to make you seek repentance as Lhutwë would want, then perhaps we could have begun on a slow road to betterment. Somehow.
‘Now, of course, it is far too late for that. You are too far gone. Or perhaps I am. The hatred I feel for you is unlike any I have ever known in the last two thousand years. And that, I must say, is quite an accomplishment.’
Nere didn’t move. ‘Then just release me…’
‘Ah, yes. I am considering it. This is what you desire?’
She chanced a frail look at Sentsia. ‘Yes…’
‘You don’t wish to find a way to atone for your sins?’
Nere sat on that idea for a time. It had crossed her mind before, briefly, but it seemed so utterly impossible that she hadn’t really given it much consideration at all. ‘How would I be able to do that?’
‘By helping me bring House Blackburn into a new, golden era.’
Nere’s head reared back a little.
Saturday, January 18, 2020
Friday, January 17, 2020
Page 2024
((The Mon/Wen/Fri Double -- page 2 of 2))
‘Honestly, why do you look so surprised?’ said Sentsia, still in the echo of privacy. ‘Tell me. Do you remember when we first harnessed pan-moc, you and I? Hmm?’
Nere managed to shake her head.
‘No. You must. Do you remember how it nearly killed us both? Do you have any idea why that might have been? No? Of course you don’t.’ The reaper sighed. ‘That was precisely the time when I learned of what you had done. When I probed our shared minds. I couldn’t believe what I found. I didn’t WANT to believe it. The shock was so great, in fact, that I nearly lost control of the hyper-state and allowed it to kill us both.’ She paused for a chuckle. ‘Perhaps I should have.’
Nere was trembling. She couldn’t look at the reaper anymore.
‘I want you to think about the decision that I was faced with at that time, Nere. Really think about it. Ibai was already a teenager. Melchor had returned to us. He was his old self again. House Blackburn was more unified than it had been in generations. And this knowledge that I had just acquired would tear all of that apart in an instant. Can you imagine what was going through my mind then? Hmm?’
Nere clutched her head with both hands as if to shield herself from Sentsia’s words, but there was no stopping them.
‘Naively, I thought there was hope,’ Sentsia went on, ‘because you really DID come to love Ismael and Ibai and everyone else. I could see that in you as well. I saw it. But I was a fool. Something like this was always going to happen.’
Nere asked the only question that she could think of. ‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?’
‘To what end? To shame you? What purpose would that have served, exactly?’
‘I… I don’t…’
‘I have always tried to be above such base instincts,’ said Sentsia. ‘But damn if it doesn’t feel good now. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I should have done this a long time ago.’
‘Honestly, why do you look so surprised?’ said Sentsia, still in the echo of privacy. ‘Tell me. Do you remember when we first harnessed pan-moc, you and I? Hmm?’
Nere managed to shake her head.
‘No. You must. Do you remember how it nearly killed us both? Do you have any idea why that might have been? No? Of course you don’t.’ The reaper sighed. ‘That was precisely the time when I learned of what you had done. When I probed our shared minds. I couldn’t believe what I found. I didn’t WANT to believe it. The shock was so great, in fact, that I nearly lost control of the hyper-state and allowed it to kill us both.’ She paused for a chuckle. ‘Perhaps I should have.’
Nere was trembling. She couldn’t look at the reaper anymore.
‘I want you to think about the decision that I was faced with at that time, Nere. Really think about it. Ibai was already a teenager. Melchor had returned to us. He was his old self again. House Blackburn was more unified than it had been in generations. And this knowledge that I had just acquired would tear all of that apart in an instant. Can you imagine what was going through my mind then? Hmm?’
Nere clutched her head with both hands as if to shield herself from Sentsia’s words, but there was no stopping them.
‘Naively, I thought there was hope,’ Sentsia went on, ‘because you really DID come to love Ismael and Ibai and everyone else. I could see that in you as well. I saw it. But I was a fool. Something like this was always going to happen.’
Nere asked the only question that she could think of. ‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?’
‘To what end? To shame you? What purpose would that have served, exactly?’
‘I… I don’t…’
‘I have always tried to be above such base instincts,’ said Sentsia. ‘But damn if it doesn’t feel good now. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I should have done this a long time ago.’
Page 2023
((The Mon/Wen/Fri Double -- page 1 of 2))
Should she lie? Once upon a time, she had been quite a skillful liar, but here and now, with so much uncertainty roiling around inside her, she didn’t know if she could muster up even the slightest bit of cunning. “What does it matter? He would not be unwilling to speak to me, would he? I wish to see him. To hear his voice.”
‘No.’ Sentsia’s tone did not imply that her mind could be changed.
Nere wanted to ask why again, but she was afraid to now. What was Sentsia thinking? How much did she really know?
‘You seem confused,’ the reaper said. ‘As you would. You stupid girl. Even after all this time, you STILL haven’t learned to see beyond yourself, your own pain, your own worry. I can’t believe I ever thought you could change.’
Nere’s eyes were wide as she listened. She could feel tears welling up already. “What are you saying? How can you--?”
‘Oh, shut your mouth, you lying whore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep trying to support you in spite of everything. I can’t keep trying to bring out the best in you. There’s nothing left to bring, is there? You are little more than an empty shell now, aren’t you?’
Nere had no words. Was this even the same reaper she had known all these years?
‘If only I had learned the truth sooner,’ said Sentsia. ‘I would have revealed your infidelity forthwith, and you would have been tossed aside by House Blackburn. And Ismael might have found a woman who was truly worthy of him. But no. For whatever reason, Lhutwë deigned not to allow that justice to come to pass, and now, here we are instead. Ismael, that wonderful boy, is dead. And I must continue to endure YOU.’
Nere could only listen. The reaper was far from done.
Should she lie? Once upon a time, she had been quite a skillful liar, but here and now, with so much uncertainty roiling around inside her, she didn’t know if she could muster up even the slightest bit of cunning. “What does it matter? He would not be unwilling to speak to me, would he? I wish to see him. To hear his voice.”
‘No.’ Sentsia’s tone did not imply that her mind could be changed.
Nere wanted to ask why again, but she was afraid to now. What was Sentsia thinking? How much did she really know?
‘You seem confused,’ the reaper said. ‘As you would. You stupid girl. Even after all this time, you STILL haven’t learned to see beyond yourself, your own pain, your own worry. I can’t believe I ever thought you could change.’
Nere’s eyes were wide as she listened. She could feel tears welling up already. “What are you saying? How can you--?”
‘Oh, shut your mouth, you lying whore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep trying to support you in spite of everything. I can’t keep trying to bring out the best in you. There’s nothing left to bring, is there? You are little more than an empty shell now, aren’t you?’
Nere had no words. Was this even the same reaper she had known all these years?
‘If only I had learned the truth sooner,’ said Sentsia. ‘I would have revealed your infidelity forthwith, and you would have been tossed aside by House Blackburn. And Ismael might have found a woman who was truly worthy of him. But no. For whatever reason, Lhutwë deigned not to allow that justice to come to pass, and now, here we are instead. Ismael, that wonderful boy, is dead. And I must continue to endure YOU.’
Nere could only listen. The reaper was far from done.
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