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Nothing was making sense, anymore. She felt a deep sense of understanding; she felt like she had no idea what she was doing. She had confidence; she was more scared than ever. She wanted to accomplish something with her power for once; she knew that it could still go horribly wrong. She had all this new knowledge; she was still utterly ignorant.

What had all that meditation been for? Had she achieved anything? She still felt exhausted by it. Tired and hungry. Mentally drained. Maybe it would be better to stop worrying about this, for now. Try again later. After some more food. And sleep, maybe.

Yes.

Yes...

No...

No.

She felt like she could see what would happen to her if she did that. If she relaxed too much now.

She would lose her nerve. She would get comfortable again. Comfortable and complacent. And she would put it off. Rely on Sto to delay, delay, delay. Again and again. As much as possible.

Perhaps that was the real purpose of the meditation. To prepare her own mind. To wear down her defenses. Her mental blocks. To ready herself for precisely this decision. This moment.

This leap.

Yes. That was what it was, wasn’t it? Using her power deliberately. Strongly. With concentration and effort. The power that had gripped her with fear ever since she discovered it. She was jumping off a cliff here. She didn’t have the guts for it before, and if she let herself go back to normal, she would encounter the same story later.

She had to stop worrying so much. She had to take the leap.

Or maybe she already had? Maybe the changes had already started? She did feel a little different. But was that all it was? Just a feeling? No, she needed more. Something stronger. A greater sensation. Deeper.

In her mind. Maybe Gohvis was right. Maybe this was stupid. But caution was gone. Slain.

She could feel her own brain. In her hand. As if her forehead wasn’t even there. No skin. No skull. No blood. No flesh. Just her mind. Wrinkles and all. Physically. In her hand.

Fear reared up. She killed it. Disgust arrived. She tore it to pieces.

How?

Easiest thing in the world. They were nothing. Biologic illusions. Ghosts of the flesh, at most. They didn’t matter at all. Only she did, right now. Only her objective. Her purpose. Her knowledge. Her understanding. Herself.