Page 2019

As she sat there in the corner of her room, thinking over the idea more and more, Nere began to rock back and forth.

Yes.

Yes, perhaps telling someone the full truth of things would be for the best. Would it ease her conscience? Perhaps not. But it was a step forward, wasn’t it? A step somewhere, at least? As opposed to just being lost in this dark fog forever? And if it didn’t matter anymore, why should she be afraid to say anything? Because everyone would shun her? Because they would hate her?

She wanted them to. She deserved it. For too long, her sins had remained unknown, unpunished.

Maybe Sentsia would even release her soul.

She had never contemplated asking Sentsia to do that before. Why not? Perhaps it was selfishness. She had cared for her own life too much. But what need was there to care now? What was there left to live for?

All these years, she had never really understood those stories about servants asking their reapers to release them. And with as often as she had heard such tales, it seemed a fairly common occurrence. How could that be, she’d wondered?

Now she knew. Or rather, she had some semblance of knowing, at least. Perhaps it was presumptuous at this juncture to assume she could know anything of value to anyone, but she felt an understanding like she never had before.

A silent epiphany.

All those servants who asked to be released--they knew then what she had only just now realized.

In the future lay only darkness.

It was all, ultimately, without hope.

Looking back, it seemed somehow absurd that she had ever had hope to begin with. Hope for what? To what end?

Which meant that, for her, there was really only one thing left to do at this point.

But who should she tell? Well, everyone, perhaps. But who would be the best person to reveal this horrific secret to first?

Page 2018

((The Mon/Wen/Fri Double -- page 2 of 2))
Nere had to imagine that Ibai’s existence had been Morgunov’s goal all along. He’d wanted to create an aberration. One of the very first, seemingly, but if Morgunov was hoping for a monster of madness like himself, then he would be sorely mistaken.

Nere had no idea why Morgunov had never come for him. She had feared that every single day since he was born. But whatever the reason was, she thanked Lhutwë for it. She only prayed now that Ibai would be able to remain safe. Somehow. Please.

If there was any goodness left in the world, that had to be so.

But.

That was the real question for her at this point, wasn’t it?

Was there any goodness left in the world? Not for her, surely. She readily acknowledged that. She had no future now. But what about everyone else? Was there any goodness left for them, at least?

She wanted to think so. In the few times she had actually gone outside and seen the other Rainlords bustling about this underground fortress, this Warrenhold, she had seen the light of hope in their eyes. In their postures. In their intent.

They saw it. They saw goodness in the world. Somewhere.

Were they wrong? Were they just fooling themselves until the inevitable found them, as it had found her?

She honestly did not know.

What was the point anymore? Everything was so meaningless now.

But.

But perhaps...

Perhaps if everything was meaningless, then... perhaps she could do something that had never dared do before.

Perhaps she could tell someone the truth. Perhaps she could just... confess.

Could it really be that simple? All these years, that had seemed like a thing so utterly impossible that it hardly even bore thinking about.

But now...?

Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe nothing did.

And she was beginning to wonder what might come of it.

Page 2017

((The Mon/Wen/Fri Double -- page 1 of 2))
She must have been mad to have not thought anything was strange about him, but even all these years later, her memory of that night was still so clear. He had been so warm. So understanding. So ready to listen and admire and be the most wonderful human being she had ever met in her life.

He was everything she could have ever wanted in a man and more. That secret tryst in overgrown wilds of Steccat had been one of the best experiences she’d ever had.

And now it was the worst. Her most enduring nightmare.

The day she had first seen Morgunov’s face listed among the others of the Vanguard’s most wanted, everything had begun to crumble. Like the ground itself had somehow been ripped out from under her.

It should have come as no surprise to her then that “Bas” never contacted her again, but for some reason, being the stupid girl that she was, she hadn’t expected that, either.

And then, of course, she discovered the pregnancy.

Ismael had been so happy. Seeing him that way broke her heart in ways she never thought possible. Such a betrayal of such a perfect man.

She nearly lost her mind completely then. If not for Sentsia, she would have. It was all a fog, but she felt certain, nonetheless. Sentsia was the only thing that had gotten her through that pregnancy.

And Ibai. Sweet, darling Ibai.

She’d thought him a monster for so long, but even he proved to be a better person than her in the end. Far, far better.

She didn’t know how it was possible to be so proud and so sad at the same time.

If there was any sliver of hope or salvation to be found through all of this, it was him. It was Ibai.