Thursday, March 5, 2015

Page 1000

Well, I wasn’t really--

Imagine stepping into a puddle,’ said Reza, ‘only to realize it was about a meter deeper than you expected. Imagine finding a bed of frozen spikes at the bottom, which then skewer your foot and dig up into your shin. Imagine writhing in agony, unable to move, as you watch a levee in front of you suddenly break and a tidal wave come crashing toward you. Then imagine being crushed nearly to death by the impact, only to slowly drown.

...I was more interested in knowing why you were there.

How about some fucking pity?!

I’m sorry your death was so horrible, Reza. I’m sure you remember how wonderful mine was.

All things considered, I’d say getting ripped apart by a pack of Dantean wolves is a pretty radical way to go.

I think I would’ve rather drowned. Or been set on fire, maybe.

Oh, I doubt that. Burning alive is one of the most excruciating. I’d definitely take the wolves.

Hmph.

Alright, then, let’s up the ante. Which would you choose? Lasers slowly burn your eyes out of your head and pierce your brain, melting it? Or you have to keep eating your favorite food until your stomach ruptures and kills you?

Why my favorite food?

Because it would gradually turn into your most hated food as you ate it until you puked. But you’d have to keep eating it, anyway, and every time you vomited would just mean that you have to eat even more of this thing that you once loved but is now your worst nightmare.

...You have a twisted imagination, you know that?

Fine, I’ll give you a third option.’ She paused. ‘Uh... shit yourself in front of the person you love most until you die from embarrassment.

Wow.

And if you’re somehow not embarrassed, then you just keep shitting forever.

Okay, I think we need some quiet time.

She did not shut up, however. She pestered him with inane questions for the next hour and a half, and Dunstan regretted ever worrying about her.

Relief finally came when the aircraft hit a patch of turbulence. It lasted a while, then died down. Then a thunderous pop made the plane jerk violently upward and to the side, leaving half the watchmen in the room to dangle upside down from their crisscrossing seatbelts.

26 comments:

  1. woot for page 1000!

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  2. Hey, look. I did a thousand things.

    Page 999 just went up like 30 minutes ago, though. Careful not to skip it.

    Anyway, in light of the thousand motherfucking page, I guess I should ask for some reviews on Amazon and/or Smashwords. If you don't have an account on one of those, then a review on Web Fiction Guide would also be super great. If you don't have an account there, either, then a humble vote over at Top Web Fiction would be most appreciated.

    'n if you don't wanna bother with that, then just recommending TZK to someone would be crazy helpful. Perhaps more helpful than any of the others, in fact.

    Thanks for reading, everybody. Still lots more to come.

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  3. Then [an>a] thunderous pop made the plane jerk violently upward and to side, leaving half the watchmen in the room to dangle upside down from the crisscrossing seatbelts.

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  4. Congrats on 1000 pages Frost

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  5. Then a thunderous pop made the plane jerk violently upward and to [the] side

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  6. Got it, thank you.

    Y'know, I usually hate auto-correct, but you're alright.

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  7. Congrats on your 1000th page Mr. Frost! Excellent work!

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  8. Really hoping that's more than turbulence!
    Abolish interception?
    The rogue splinter group?
    Cisco's sister?

    My money's on some sort of rescue mission...

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  9. CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE THE 1000th [CONTENT POSTER] ON THIS SITE! CLICK THE INTERNET TO PRiZE YOUR SHEER CLAIM TO WINNINGNESS!

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  10. Nicolas Sagrillo de AraujoMarch 6, 2015 at 8:16 AM

    congratulation on your great work mr. frost!
    parabéns!

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  11. Even as part of a celebration, I'm never getting into a worst deaths drinking contest with a group of Servants and Reapers. Not least for not wishing to die of liver failure thanks to the forfeits. ;P

    Grants on the 1,000, Frost. :)

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  12. watch a [levee] in front of you

    I feel fr Dunstan here, I hate playing "would you rather" too. It's always all bad stuff, people can never seem to think of any choices where you wouldn't prefer "neither."

    And congrats on 1000 pages! You're now officially a Long Runner as defined by TV Tropes!

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  13. Really? My favorite is controllable imperviousness to all harm, or reality warping.

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  14. Boy would that be an ironic story for how you became a servant.

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  15. Wouldn't work. Unless it was an Abolish frame-up "rescue mission", where the goal would actually be to start a new war.

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  16. 1000 pages! Congratulations!

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  17. The 1000th page is about drowning, being eaten alive, getting laser beamed through the skull, getting a spiky leg, continuous vomiting AND shitting.
    yup, something one should expect from frost.

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  18. Just out of curiosity, how exactly does one miss a new page? I just use the "Next Page" button, so I never miss them.

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  19. I guess if your method is just checking the main page, you might. Personally, I use the latest chapter page, and just reload it every day.

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  20. Classiest thousandth post ever.

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  21. Next page(s?)

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  22. I'm a little late to the party as always, but still... congrats to 1000 pages, Mr. Frost, and thanks a lot for writing!

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